I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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