went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
