She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
