so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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