I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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