He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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