I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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