she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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