Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
