would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
