there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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