it's not cheating when I paid for it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
