the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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