I accidentally burped into my bong.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
