bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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