When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
