It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
