people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
