xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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