I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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