Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
