I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
