my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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