Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
