Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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