someone get that fucking seahorse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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