I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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