i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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