8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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