I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
