nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
