her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
