I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
