3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
