Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
