she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
two words: eviction party
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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