somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
