so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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