I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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