He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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