They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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