i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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