ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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