I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
