Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
