If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
These tits shall not be calmed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
