THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
