Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
