Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize