My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
