That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
