I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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