if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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